Autism and communicating “anecdotally”
As children, we might have come to realise that asking, “do you want to play with me?” in the playground was the mysterious key to making friends.
This is also the moment we may have realised that “question-answer” style communication was preferred if we wanted to make any (neurotypical) friends. This is defined as the repeated back-and-forth of questions and answers in conversation.
However, as we grew older and conversations inevitably grew more complex, trying to initiate conversations with multiple questions may have oftentimes felt forced or uncomfortable.
But why is this?
In speaking to a lot of other autistic and ND people, I’ve found that we are much more likely to initiate conversations by…
“Infodumping” about our current favourite subject or by telling a story.
Responding with a similar story as an expression of empathy, with room for interjection and tangents.
This is most closely defined as “anecdotal communication”.
As this is the dominant style in society, ND people have to “mask” to fit in; by for example, planning out lists of questions to ask in conversation or refraining from talking about ourselves too much.
If “anecdotal” style communication feels much more natural to you, bring this up in conversation with your friends and discuss why it is your preference. Many are likely to feel the same!
Doing this has the potential to…
Nurture more autistic-friendly interpersonal connections
Ultimately boost our understanding of each other and ourselves.
!! It is important to note that !!
“Anecdotal communication” and “question-answer communication” are neither right nor wrong ways of conversing.
They may also combine together to become hybrid styles of communication or completely different styles entirely.
In summary
“Question-answer” style communication is the back-and-forth of questions and answers and is generally preferred by NT people. “Anecdotal communication” in a conversation is when someone responds with a similar story as an expression of empathy. This is all just some ‘food for thought’.